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Conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction. It can be seen daily among our colleagues, friends, partners, and many more. Conflicts need to exist as they can encourage us to embrace different perspectives (Çağlayan & Körük, 2022). Without it, life would be a little mundane.

When we are at a crossroads with someone, we will often realise how different we are from other people. Moreover, it’s also an opportunity for us to notice how someone approaches a conflict. “Are they being defensive or are they being apologetic?” Such questions are good to think of so that we can better understand how differently people approach conflict. Among many other factors, research has shown that a person’s attachment style can also play a big role in how they tackle conflict (Yildiz, 2023). 

 

But before we get into that, let’s understand attachment theory more. John Bowlby, a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, was the first to introduce attachment theory which identified four attachment styles: secure, anxious [also known as preoccupied], avoidant [also known as dismissive] and disorganised [also known as fearful-avoidant] (Çağlayan & Körük, 2022). These attachment styles are usually determined during infancy when an infant establishes a bond with their caregiver (Yildiz, 2023). This can then shape an individual’s approach to conflict resolution. 

 

Let’s dive a little deeper into the four attachment styles. 

Secure attachment

Individuals with this style tend to have the ability to build healthy relationships with those around them. This stems from a well-functioning relationship they had with their caregiver during their early childhood. With such an attachment style, they will be able to regulate their emotions and confidently communicate with those around them (Mandriota, 2021).  

Anxious attachment

Individuals with this style tend to be afraid of rejection and/or abandonment. This stems from a lack of consistent parenting and security from their caregivers. They tend to be overwhelmed and confused when their caregivers are not consistently present. This will in turn lead to them having low self-esteem, a fear of rejection and trust issues (Mandriota, 2021).   

Avoidant attachment

Individuals with this style tend to struggle to build healthy relationships and this is often due to their caregivers being neglectful and/or emotionally unavailable. People with such an attachment style will struggle to engage in physical and emotional intimacy with those around them. Moreover, they tend to be hyper-independent and often find it uncomfortable to be expressive (Mandriota, 2021).  

Disorganised attachment

Individuals with this style tend to have conflicting desires for closeness and distance. This could lead to unpredictable and chaotic behaviour in conflicts. If you look closely, you will realise that their contradictory behaviours show signs of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles (Mandriota, 2021).  

 

Now that we have a better understanding of the four attachment styles, it will help us understand how differently people approach conflict and the type of conflict resolution strategies they engage in. By recognizing the underlying motivations and fears driving their behaviour, individuals can work towards more constructive ways of handling disputes, ultimately leading to healthier relationships (Mandriota, 2021).

 

Written by:

Shreya Suresh

 

References:

Çağlayan, Z. & Körük, S. (2022). The predictive role of self-esteem, attachment styles, and family of origin functions in explaining conflict resolution in romantic relationships. International Journal of Contemporary Educational Research, 9(3), 557-568. https://doi.org/10.33200/ijcer.1061932 

Mandriota, M. (2021, October 13). 4 types of attachment: What’s your style? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships#attachment-types

Yıldız, B. (2023). Attachment, growth fear and conflict resolution in close relationships. International Journal of Psychology and Educational Studies, 10(2), 453-462.. https://dx.doi.org/10.52380/ijpes.2023.10.2.1011