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As we know, conflict is inevitable, but the way individuals approach conflict resolution is heavily influenced by their attachment style. The thing about conflict resolution is that there isn’t a singular approach. In fact, there are many strategies to use to overcome conflict and in this article, we will cover a few of those strategies. 

 

Secure attachment

As we have learnt, people with a secure attachment style can regulate their emotions and communicate clearly with their peers. They often encourage open communication and collaboration as it allows them to freely express their thoughts and feelings. These types of individuals will typically adopt a cooperative conflict resolution strategy. Studies conducted by Kobak and Duemmler (1994), indicate that securely attached individuals are more likely to engage in open communication and problem-solving. They are focused on establishing a mutual understanding and finding solutions that work best for both parties. 

 

Anxious attachment

People with this type of attachment style often have an intense fear of abandonment and are highly sensitive to conflicts. When they are put in an environment that’s disruptive, it’s unsettling for them and they may resort to confrontational or accommodating conflict resolution strategies. For instance, they could demand reassurance or escalate the conflict to gain attention. Alternatively, they might accommodate the other person’s demands to avoid conflict and maintain peace. This is often driven by a need for approval and fear of rejection (Mikulincer and Shaver, 2007). 

 

Avoidant attachment

A person with an avoidant attachment style tends to escape difficult conversations as it often requires them to be expressive which is not what a person with this attachment style would normally want to do. They may need time to process their emotions independently before they are ready to face the problem. Research reveals that these individuals often withdraw from conflicts, using avoidance as their primary strategy. They mostly avoid confrontation because it usually requires them to engage in emotional intimacy which they are not fond of (Mandriota, 2021). This in turn leads to conflicts being left unresolved (Simpson and Rholes, 1998).  

 

Disorganised attachment

Lastly, people with this attachment style have traits that can be found in both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. They long for both closeness and distance. This is reflected in how they approach conflicts as they might go back and forth between confrontation and withdrawal strategies. Studies conducted by Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) highlighted the challenges these individuals face in maintaining stable conflict resolution patterns, often leading to confusion and inconsistency. 

 

Attachment styles significantly influence how people approach and resolve conflicts. By understanding these styles, we can gain crucial insights into the reasons behind people’s reactions and behaviors during a conflict. Moreover, it helps us to discover more effective ways to achieve resolution. 

 

Written by:

Shreya Suresh

 

References:

Bartholomew, K., & Horowitz, L. M. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), 226-244.

Kobak, R. R., & Duemmler, S. L. (1994). Attachment and conversation: Toward a discourse analysis of adolescent and adult security. In K. Bartholomew & D. Perlman (Eds.), Attachment processes in adulthood (pp. 121-149). London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Mandriota, M. (2021, October 13). 4 types of attachment: What’s your style? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships#attachment-types

Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. New York: Guilford Press.

Simpson, J. A., & Rholes, W. S. (1998). Attachment theory and close relationships. New York: Guilford Press.