Ah, Christmas! The season of joy, togetherness, and… A whole lot of stress. Why do we go all out with traditions like gift-giving, decorating, and spending time with distant relatives whose names we barely remember? Why does the festive season sometimes feel like a marathon we didn’t sign up for? Well, nothing says “holiday cheer” quite like diving into the science of human behavior. With Christmas round the corner, it’s an opportune time to take a look at how social psychology explains why we all act a little… different during this time of the year. 

The Power of Social Influence and Conformity
Why do we feel inclined to drag a dead tree into our house and wrap it in lights every December? Coined by Solomon Asch in 1956, social influence refers to the significance of social pressure on individual decision-making even if it conflicts with personal judgment. 

We are social creatures after all. If all your neighbors are hanging lights and decorations on their doors, you’re likely to feel the urge to decorate your door as well because who wants to be the odd one out? Even if you are not intending to celebrate for the year, one look at your social media feed filled with decorated homes and a lovely Christmas spread might send you browsing on the Amazon website. 

When we see others engaged in a behavior, we feel compelled to do the same, viewing it as the expected behavior (Cialdini, 1984). The holiday season, with its endless posts and advertisements, reinforces traditions and nudges us to participate, even if we had not intended to celebrate.

Additionally, Bond and Smith’s meta-analysis (1996) on conformity found that people’s inclination to conform is heightened in collectivistic cultures. While Christmas is not a cultural requirement everywhere, it has become a widely celebrated tradition, creating an unspoken expectation to participate. If you are in a country with higher collectivism orientation like Singapore (Dissanayake, 2015), seeing others engage in festive traditions can make you feel as though you are missing out on a shared festive experience.

Social Comparison: The PS5 and the $10 Gift Card
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… for social comparison. According to Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory (1954), we evaluate ourselves based on how we stack up against others. During the holidays, this means comparing everything from gifts to decorations to the number of parties others have been invited to. You know that feeling when you see your friend’s huge Christmas party and you are not invited? Or when you see someone on Instagram stories receive the PS5 but all you got was a $10 Kinokuniya gift voucher? 

This comparison goes deeper than we might think. Wheeler and Miyake’s research on social comparison (1992) posits that upward comparison (comparing self with someone who is doing “better”) can lower self-esteem and evoke negative affect. With social media highlighting beautifully decorated homes, luxury gifts, and joyful gatherings, upward comparison is often triggered, leaving people feeling left out or “less than.”

Giving Back During Christmas
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, the Christmas period can be a powerful catalyst for action. According to the Empathy-Altruism Hypothesis (Batson et al., 2015), people help others not just for social recognition or reward but because they feel empathy towards those in need. During Christmas, when messages of goodwill and community care fill our social media feeds, television screens, and even daily conversations, this feeling of empathy is heightened and may make it easier to imagine the struggles others might be facing – from loneliness to financial hardship – which in turn strengthens our motivation to help. Unsurprisingly, December is associated with higher levels of donations and volunteering (Ekström, 2018). 

Not only do beneficiaries benefit from higher donations and volunteering, people who give back also experience a genuine sense of joy and fulfilment from engaging in altruistic acts (Post, 2014). These effects can be amplified during Christmas, when there is the collective atmosphere of generosity.

Coping with Festive Season Stress
Christmas can be a season where we’re especially influenced by what’s happening around us, bringing a wide range of emotions—from the joy of reuniting with loved ones to the stress of holiday obligations. So, how can we protect our well-being during this emotionally charged time?

  1. Setting Boundaries

Holiday gatherings can sometimes come with pressure to overspend, especially in large groups of friends or family. Rather than stretching yourself thin or compromising your comfort, setting clear boundaries can help.

For instance, if you’re watching your finances, suggest a budget for gifts or organize a Secret Santa exchange, which keeps things festive without the need to buy presents for every single person. If you’re following a specific diet and don’t want to stray, let your loved ones know ahead of time.

Sometimes, the best gift you can give yourself is simply saying “no”—whether that means passing on a third helping of mashed potatoes or skipping another glass of wine.

  1. Manage Expectations & Practise Self-Compassion

The holiday season often brings high expectations, from creating memorable moments to finding perfect gifts and maintaining cherished traditions. These pressures, combined with the urge to look and feel our best, can sometimes lead to stress or disappointment if things don’t go as planned. Managing expectations by embracing flexibility and spontaneity can bring more ease and joy to the season. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on simple pleasures, like spending quality time with loved ones or allowing yourself moments of rest. Remember, not everything has to be flawless for the holidays to feel meaningful.

Practicing self-compassion can also help us stay grounded amidst these demands. Treat yourself with the same understanding and care you’d offer a friend, especially when things fall short of expectations. In moments of stress, gratitude and positive self-talk are powerful tools. Recognizing small victories such as making time to connect or relax, can make a world of difference. By letting go of comparisons—especially with what you see on social media— it can help you to view the season as one filled with genuine joy and self-acceptance, and free from unnecessary pressures.

  1. Give Back to Create Meaning

If you are not celebrating Christmas, the holiday season can still be a powerful time to connect with others through acts of kindness and giving back. Volunteering or supporting a cause can bring a deep sense of purpose and fulfillment, allowing you to embrace the spirit of the season in your own way.

Consider opportunities to volunteer at animal shelters and homes, donate to charities or help out at community events. Even small gestures, like supporting a friend or neighbor who may be going through a tough time, can make a big difference. If you are located in Singapore, you can search for volunteering opportunities on sites like giving.sg and volunteer.sg.

By focusing on acts of service, you can bring warmth and connection into the season, creating a meaningful experience that goes beyond traditional celebrations. Giving back can make this time of year feel joyful and rewarding, no matter how you choose to spend it.

Conclusion

By using social psychology to understand our psyche during the festive season, we can better appreciate (and maybe laugh at) our out-of-the-norm behaviors at this time of the year. Whether it’s the urge to join the Orchard Road light-up, buy just one more gift, or navigate gatherings with friends and family, remember to embrace the season in a way that feels true to you, even if that means celebrating it differently from others. 

Wishing all of you a blessed festive season! :)

 

Written By:

Xavierlyn Tan

NTU Psychology Alumni

 

References

Asch, S. E. (1956). Studies of independence and conformity: I. A minority of one against a unanimous majority. Psychological monographs: General and applied, 70(9), 1.

Batson, C. D., Lishner, D. A., & Stocks, E. L. (2015). The empathy-altruism hypothesis. The Oxford handbook of prosocial behavior, 259-281.

Bond, R., & Smith, P. B. (1996). Culture and conformity: A meta-analysis of studies using Asch’s (1952b, 1956) line judgment task. Psychological bulletin, 119(1), 111.

Cialdini, R. (1984). Influence: The psychology of persuasion (pp. 1–281). New York: Quill.

Dissanayake, D. M. S. B., Niroshan, W. W. A. E., Nisansala, M. H., Rangani, M. L. D., Samarathunga, S. K. R. A., Subasinghe, S. E. I., … & Wickramasinghe, W. W. M. E. G. P. M. B. (2015). Cultural comparison in Asian countries: an application of Greet Hofstede’s cultural dimensions.

Ekström, M. (2018). Seasonal altruism: How Christmas shapes unsolicited charitable giving. Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization, 153, 177-193.

Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human relations, 7(2), 117-140.

Post, S. G. (2014). Altruism, happiness, and health: It’s good to be good. An Exploration of the Health Benefits of Factors That Help Us to Thrive, 66-76.

Wheeler, L., & Miyake, K. (1992). Social comparison in everyday life. Journal of personality and social psychology, 62(5), 760.